How can you be sure you look like a tourist when in Hawai'i?

• No matter how hot it is, always wear black shoes with black socks when you wear shorts  (and always have your shirt tucked in).

• Always call the mainland the “States,” and then try and figure out which country Hawai'i is in.

• Rent a convertible, drive it very slowly, and always look everywhere except at the road.

• Speak Spanish when you don’t understand the local dialect.

• Mispronounce all the Hawaiian words, then give up, thinking they all sound the same anyway.

• While at the North shore of any island in the middle of summer, stop and ask where the big winter waves are.

• Before drinking from a water fountain, ask if the water should be boiled first (no, this is not Mexico).

• When windsurfing in the middle of summer, when the water is well over 85 degrees (F), always wear a full-length wetsuit and hood.

•• Above all, have fun!

Aloha!